


A Kiss?

by Cosmignon



Category: Dice funk
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2018-12-30 23:19:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12119427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cosmignon/pseuds/Cosmignon
Summary: Alias asks an intimate question.





	1. A Letter.

**Author's Note:**

> this is not super romantic, but it is sappy and dramatic? bc i write what i want, baby  
> this takes place at an indeterminate amt of time after the events of the lorelei campaign  
> but drop is still alive  
> everything's fine  
> don't worry about it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alias writes an intimate letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have been sitting on this first half of this for a while and after thinking abt it thought it would make a great prequel chapter to "A Kiss?", hope the ordering for these works out properly

Alias looked over the words he had written, scrutinizing them with the keen eye of an avid writer and bookworm, and he was not pleased with the results.

_Dear Drop,_

_Having known each other for a long time, I have grown to be quite fond of you. I trust you very deeply, and after many days of deep thought I realize that my fondness for you might reach far deeper than I ever anticipated. I hope that - in the absence of an ability on my part to be frank with my feelings in person - this letter will suffice in expressing the depths of my affection._

_Sincerely Yours,_

_Alias_

No, this wouldn’t do at all. He had barely gotten to the point in this one. Plus what kind of sensible person would keep repeating himself like this, “deeply, deep, deeper”, in the span of just one sentence? It barely looked like a word anymore.

He crumpled the paper and tossed it into a pile that had been increasing in size at an alarming rate over the course of the night. Not needing traditional sleep left Alias to his devices long into the hours that his friends needed to rest, and as much as he felt as though he were wasting that time with nonsense love notes he felt compelled to keep writing new drafts that each read as clumsily as the last. He rubbed his temples as he reached for a new sheet of paper, and he continued with his cycle of writing, scrutiny, and rejection.

Sunlight glinted on his glasses, and Alias looked up to realize that the sunrise was peeking through the window nearest to his desk. Drop and the others would be waking up soon, and none of them ever needed to see the incriminating evidence of his inexperienced foray into concerns of romance. He quickly gathered his unused writing supplies back into his bag, and then began shoveling wads of crumpled paper out of site. He jumped when he heard the door behind him creak. To his relief, it was only Vinnie coming to check on him.

“You stayin up all night to study _again_?”

“Ah well, of course, that shouldn’t be anything unusual, should it?”

“Noo, I guess not… but you should still try to sleep a bit more often!”

Alias went through the motions of rolling his eyes, slightly exaggerated if only to get his point across through the absence of pupils.

“Would this be the hundredth time I’ve had to explain how trances work, or have I lost count at this point?”

“I know the difference, you dork!” Vinnie huffed, crossing her arms, “You don’t have to be sassy with me just cause you’re tired.”

“What? I’m not tired, I’m fine.”

“Well you sure look tired.”

Alias stopped himself before retorting. His eyes did sting a bit, now that it was brought to his attention. Focusing on one fruitless goal throughout the night had been draining, staring at blank pages and pages filled with ink alike, unsatisfied with all of them. He rubbed his eyes, and sighed.

“I will concede that, perhaps, I’ve spent a bit too much time with ink and paper for the time being. I’ll be sure to get some rest later.”

“That’s what I like to hear!” Vinnie smiled, and Alias couldn’t help but to reciprocate the gesture.

With Vinnie’s gripe with his sleeping habits dealt with, Alias was mildly surprised to see her enter further into the room, rather than leave him to clean up his desk while she got breakfast with the others.

“Do you need help with cleaning up?”

Alias did his best to hide the red in his face as he remembered the contents of his trash. He quickly tried to diffuse the situation before it even began,

 “No no, it’s fine I’ve got it.” He jumped to resume shoveling the paper away “I wouldn’t really want you – or anyone, really, not just you it wouldn’t be like that – from reading any of this it’s… not up to my personal standards, you see.”

Vinnie tilted her head, “Oh um, ok. What is it anyways, are you trying to write your own book?”

“Nothing like that,” he briefly reminisced about the types of books he’d like to write one day, and it was true that none of them were like these paltry scrawlings at all, “they’re akin to personal notes, more than anything else. You know how it is about keeping certain things private to yourself, don’t you?”

“Ooooooooooohhhh. Yeah _, I know_.”

 He groaned; he hated that tone of voice.

“Wait –no. I don’t think you actually got what I meant –“

“No I did, I _know_ ”

“Noooooooo you don’t.”

“Yeah, but maybe I _do_.”

 And there was that odd smile she’d wear whenever she’d get like this, like she was in on some joke that nobody bothered to explain why it was so funny. His plans to diffuse had gone awry, so now he just had to shut the whole thing down.

“You – actually, you know what? I don’t care what you do or don’t know just, don’t look at any of these! I can clean them up myself if you just leave – !“ and before he forgot, he added “if you would, _please_.”

She uncrossed her arms to gesture defensively, though more playfully than anything else, which only frustrated Alias.

“Hey hey, it’s ok I wasn’t gonna look at them! I’ll get out of here and talk to you in a while, that cool?”

“Yes, very cool, thank you.”

Alias watched as Vinnie stepped out of the room, her expression a strange mix of that odd look, and perhaps –at least Alias liked to imagine- some remorse for pushing the joke too far.

He slumped his shoulders when he was once again alone, and the crumpled papers laid strewn about his feet. He realized now that if he didn’t actually write something good, and soon, that something stupid would give him away before he could say anything on his own terms. As much as he did care for Vinnie, he knew that she wasn’t the best when it came to being delicate about the issues of relationships, romantic or otherwise. He didn’t want Drop to find out about his feelings through an accidental secondary source. 

Slipping his writing materials out of his bag once again, he sat down at the desk and doubled down on his efforts. His drafts were still rough and immediately embarrassing to read after he finished writing them, but he had to keep going until he found anything salvageable.

He wasn’t sure of the time when he heard a knock from the door. It was Vinnie again, not entering his room but asking if he was ok.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel embarrassed this morning!” she sounded sincere.

“It’s alright Vinnie.,” Alias sighed, “I’m not upset about that, it’s just that I decided to write for a while longer.”

“You’ve been in there almost all morning though, aren’t you hungry?”

“I’ll get something to eat soon I promise. Also! Do you know where Drop is at the moment?”

Vinnie’s confusion was audible through the door.

“He’s probably in his room or something? I dunno, why’d you ask me?”

“I was just curious, I wanted to talk to him earlier but I had to finish this first.”

“Oh, Ok? Well, just make sure you eat! I don’t want to be bothering you about eating and sleeping all the time!”

“You won’t have to!”

Alias listened for Vinnie, and after assessing that she had been satisfied and left to attend to her own business, he finally cleaned up his working area.

-

He nervously held the letter in his hand as he walked to Drop’s room. He had folded it, and put it in one of his envelopes in an attempt to make his words look more respectable. Had it not been for the fact that Alias recognized this as complete and absolute overkill, he probably would have sealed the envelope as well, like he would with typical correspondence.

He knocked on the door. There was a moment of silence, and then –

“Yeah?”

“Hello Drop, it’s me, Alias. You probably recognize me from the sound of my voice, but, I mean there’s never anything wrong with total certainty, and –“

Drop quietly opened the door and greeted him, silencing the eladrin almost instantly. For a brief moment, Alias forgot what he had walked over to do, and admired the view. He had always recognized that Drop was exceptionally good looking; he was fit, cleanly if it could be helped, and in motion he was an admirable force of agility and self control. It hadn’t been until recently however that Alias had found himself thinking of how long he must have had to train to maintain those muscles, and what luck it was that he wore clothing that displayed his impressive physique, not to mention he had such a fine jawline, and striking blue eyes…

“…Did you want to tell me something?”

Alias snapped back into focus, embarrassed at himself for loosing track of things.

“Yes, actually,” Alias slid the letter into his back pocket, hoping Drop hadn’t noticed it yet. “I was hoping you had some time and we could just, talk?”

“About what?”

“Uh –“ but before Alias could stutter his way around to some nervous response, Drop simply shrugged and opened the door wider so Alias could step in and compose himself.

Drop’s room was as plain as the clothes he wore, with nothing more than his bed, a cabinet for his things, and a boxing dummy in the far corner of the room that was terribly splintered more than it was whole. Alias took the only seat available, Drop’s mattress, and Drop sat next to him. They were nearly shoulder to shoulder, and Alias tried to ready himself to bring up his feelings as soon as possible.

Drop was turned away, checking at a bruise on his hand he had recently acquired, when he asked, “So, what are you here to talk about?”

“Well, I brought a…” his hand was ready to pull out the envelope, when a new thought struck him. Even with this letter, he wasn’t satisfied with the words he had written down. Maybe nothing would satisfy him this way. 

“I brought a… question.”

“Uh, ask away?”  

Maybe, he just had to say the first thing that came to mind.

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

“Drop, can I kiss you?”

Alias watched nervously as Drop slowly turned his head toward him, his expression difficult to read.

“Why?”

“Why did I ask that, or?”

“Why do  _you_ want to kiss  _me_?”

“Oh!” Alias’ face burned with embarrassment, “Well, because, uh, I’m very fond of you.”

Drop’s expression continued to elude understanding. 

“And, what I mean by that is, I’m fond of a lot of people! But it’s different when I think about you. I don’t know if there’s a better way to say it aside from… I love you, Drop.”

Drop stared at the eladrin, not taking his eyes off him as an uncomfortable silence fell over the two. Alias wanted to break the tension, but he hesitated, waiting for the moment Drop finally responded.

“I don’t… Alias, are you being serious?”

“Yes!” Alias mustered up as much conviction as he possibly could.

Drop’s expression finally changed, shifting from a look of near bored confusion to that of dawning realization. As if their conversation had only registered as the set up to a joke until that moment. 

He wrung the end of his tunic as he turned his face away, now seemingly equally embarrassed.

“I’ve…. I never thought…. That’s, uh … Do you  _really_ mean that?”

“Yes! And, it’s perfectly alright if you don’t feel the same way about me!” Alias had to stifle an anxious laugh. “I understand if this is all very sudden, you should know by now that I’m not an advocate for rushing into anything. In all honesty, I knew I’d be too nervous to say anything unless I… just… said  _something_ , with no pretenses.” 

Alias waited for any response, with the worry that he had said the wrong thing built up in the pit of his stomach. Drop kept himself turned away. He was quiet.

Even from the odd angle, Alias soon noticed that Drop’s face wasn’t just flushed; tears were starting to roll down his cheeks.

“Wait… Oh god. Did I push this all too fast? I’m sorry, I-”

“You…” Drop’s voice croaked, “You didn’t… I’m just…wait-” he paused to wipe at his face, “It’s just that … I’ve never been this close to someone before…. and I’m scared.” It sounded as though Drop intended to continue, but the rest of his words were choked out by a sob.

Alias froze. When he tried to speak, he only stuttered a semblance of sounds that were close to words but not quite. Panic set in; what a ridiculous question, of course Drop wouldn’t want to entertain the idea! Thoughtless! Stupid! 

After an unbearably long minute, he finally managed to say: “I’m really sorry, Drop. I shouldn’t have brought it up at all. I’ll go."

He stood up, and he turned to leave. But he only took two steps before he felt the jolt of Drop grabbing his hand.

“No, don’t go!”

Alias turned back - Drop’s eyes were red, wide with shock. It was disconcerting to see him like this, a steady stream of tears rolling down his face, his breathing shallow and quick. They looked down at their hands, and Drop recoiled.

“Fuck, sorry! I didn’t mean to do that!” He drew his hand close to his chest, “I just… I couldn’t… I want to talk. Please, don’t go yet, I want to talk.”

The two sat back down together as Drop caught his breath. He wiped his face, and took several deep, shaky breaths before trying to speak again.

“I’m scared, because I just realized that you, and Vinnie, and Violet… you guys are my friends. I know, that sounds dumb when I say it out loud. Of course we’re friends. But something about you sitting here. Saying that you…” the words got caught in his throat, “It made me think about losing you. I’ve been so sure I was going to be ok knowing that you guys will die, someday, at least as ok as I could be… but I realized, I’m not. I don’t know if I ever will be.”

"Well... at least you aren't carrying around that negative energy anym-"

"I know that! It's ridiculous for me to still be afraid of this."

"It's not ridiculous, I just thought... I'm sorry"

"No, no don't apologize..." He bent over himself, forehead in his palms as he pushed himself to keep talking. “It's just that you never had to keep me around. You could have left me behind so many times. Back out in the ocean, you almost did!” Alias felt a pang of guilt about that, even after all this time, “…but you didn’t. And now we're so  _close_.”

“That’s because we care about you, Drop… ” 

“I know, I know… I guess I just… never thought about that very much. I never thought I would need to.”

As Alias sat quietly, absorbing the conversation, he came to his own realization. It was astounding how deeply he had underestimated the depths of isolation Drop always endured. So many people, lost, buried in a past that Alias couldn’t begin to fully comprehend. And here he had been, hoping for a clear answer to a surprisingly messy question. His heart ached, not knowing if he could soothe Drop’s anxieties, but he wanted to do something, anything good.

“I want to be here for you, I want to help,” his voice wavered, but he managed to stay composed, “I’m not sure what I could do, but you shouldn’t have to deal with this alone. Nobody ever should.”

No response. After an awkward pause, Alias tentatively placed his hand on Drop’s back. To his surprise, Drop scooted closer toward him.

“I…. I don’t know. I just need to think… but I also don’t want to be alone.”

“Then I’m not going anywhere.”

They sat in place for a long time, silent once again, but this time as a mutual agreement between them. Alias never lifted his hand from Drop’s back, instead rubbing it in small circles to comfort him. Drop didn’t refuse the gesture, eventually opting to rest his head on Alias’ chest. The stream of tears quietly slowed to a trickle. It was an oddly content sort of quiet.

Alias was almost startled when Drop began talking again.

“I’m sorry that I freaked out. I’m not good at this.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I shouldn’t have tried to leave you alone like that. Besides, it’s better to talk through these sorts of things instead of ignoring them.”

“I guess so. I really didn’t mean to grab your hand like that though, I hope I didn’t hurt you.”

“You didn’t, and I forgive you. You’ve been going through a lot, and I’m sorry that I made things more stressful than they needed to be.”

Drop huffed, “I can’t remember a time when everything wasn’t already stressful. So you’re fine.” He patted Alias on the knee reassuringly. “Thank you for putting up with me.”

“I’m going to be here for you if you need me. The rest of your friends are too. We won’t leave you anytime soon. Things are going to be ok.”

“That is really hard to believe… but thank you.”

……….....

“Alias?”

“Yes, Drop?”

“Do you still actually mean what you said? About being in love?”

“I do. If you feel any differently though, that’s ok. Just being friends with you is worth the world to me.”

“That’s nice…” Drop sighed deeply, “I don’t think I’m ready for romance. At least, not right now.”

For the first time in an hour Drop sat up, and looked at Alias.

“But, maybe… if it’s not weird, I would be okay with it if you still wanted to kiss me? Just once.”

Alias’ heart skipped a beat. Then, another realization struck him.

“I’ve never kissed anybody before.”

“Me neither.”

“…Right, of course. Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” 

Alias shifted in his seat as he leaned toward Drop’s face, and Drop leaned in turn.

His first kiss was not as exciting as any books would had led Alias to believe. Their lips touched for no more than a few seconds before they withdrew to bashfully gauge what the other had thought of the brief yet intimate contact.

Drop’s face had yet to completely dry from his crying spell, but he looked much calmer than before. It would have been hard to tell that he felt anything about that kiss if Alias hadn’t already been familiar with his default expression of boredom, and its subtle changes. Right now, the faintest hint of a smile was all he focused on. Any smile was so rare, and he knew there was good reason for that, so he treasured the sight. 

 

 


End file.
